Needs vs Wants

After speaking with some of my hometown high school students about ethics and my consequences from having a lack of ethical behavior and fortitude in my life.   I always thought that I was a good kid growing up, worked hard and stayed out of trouble, so why would that change in adulthood?? 

Something went wrong when I started the pursuit of material items to make me happy.  Yes I was a kid that had goals since I was young, I would sign my papers as if I was a QB at UCLA since I was in 5th grade...if not younger.  I always wanted to be successful in everything that I did, that continued into my adult and married life.  I worked hard to be viewed as a success, in both my peers and wife's eyes.  Soon into my career, I had the opportunity to get into a business at the right time that allowed me GREAT money making potential...and so a new journey was born.

As soon as I started making more and more money, I wanted nicer and more things.  This was an out of control thing over many years, that my family would even begin to wonder what in the world was going on in my life.  I would tell myself, once I get this new car or bigger house..then I will be happy.  However, it never clicked with me that I was never happy.  I kept searching for my new high and then once I got ( as I usually did accomplish the goals I set out to get) I would be off to something bigger and better. 

Once the train was in motion..per se...I felt as if there was no turning back.  This was an incredibly wrong mindset and it lead to un-ethical decisions over and over again.  However, my brain was good at justifying and rationalizing ways that it was "OK" to be doing what I was doing.  The train being in motion created a state of non-stop busyness in my life, which was another huge fundamental flaw in my thinking and ethical behavior.  I was unable to get in touch with my real self and understand what I was doing was wrong, because I was so set on my next goal...hence my "Goal Sickness". 

I had a list of "wants" that was never ending.  These wants were fueled by what I thought would make me look and feel like the person who I thought I wanted to be.  They were in NO WAY a need for my life, my needs had been and were always met.  I would not communicate much of these personal insights to family or friends, as I was afraid that they would call me out and question what I was doing and nobody liked that. 

The ironic part was that when I was spending all that money, I was neglecting a basic NEED...saving money and paying off my student loans and other debts.  I kept leveraging myself with the banks easy standards at the time, thinking that ultimately everything would workout just fine.  However, since I did not have a solid plan and was so off balance with every aspect of my life...it took me having to face the toughest hole that I could ever imagine digging myself out of.