"I CAN"

I was speaking with an older and wiser woman today about trying to figure out a way to resolve a financial agreement that has been lingering way too long.  I made a comment that I hope that I will have more money on Friday.  She quickly mentioned to me to stay positive and said that "I CAN" do anything that I want...no exception.

I have always considered me to be a positive person, but it is amazing how other people can pick up subtle ways that we are not really as we say we are.  I really gravitate towards people who are positive in nature, no room for a negative Nancy in my life.  However, I welcome it when others call me out and try to help me see things differently, especially when it is done in a loving and supportive way.  I have been known to get defensive when I am feeling attacked unjustly, but that is a struggle that I am working on and it goes a lot to being a person who is happy and living a life of balance.  Life a spoke in a wheel, when one spoke is out or broken, the whole wheel does not operate smoothly. 

This also brings me to a saying that I like by an author that I am not sure who it is:  "Weather you think you can...or you think you can't...you are RIGHT"  It goes to a mindset and an ability to remain open-minded.  I reflect back at the days that I was lost and chasing money to solve all of my problems, I shut people out of my life and tried to fix all problems in a BAD way, by doing illegal things and turning a blind eye to other illegal things I witness others doing.  Since the ends where benefitting me monetarily and I thought that more money would solve all my problems, it shifted my moral compass and priorities to a point where I ruined every relationship in life to a point I was sitting in a Federal Prison with just my thoughts.

Which brings up another important message I got today as well.  As I was at the gym, I realized I forgot my headphones to wear while I worked out.  I was frantically looking in my gym bag and exasperated, when a guy commented..."Well, now it will just be you and your thoughts"  This bothered me and was un-thinkable to me...why?  Why was I so afraid of my thoughts while I worked out?  Granted, I know I love my routines and this was a part of my routine, but the thought (no pun intended) of me being with my own thoughts was not pleasant. 

This came into my mind throughout the day and I thought about why this was and how this impacted my life in a negative way in my past..in hopes to avoid making the same decisions.  I really am trying to spend 15+ minutes every night with my daily devotionals and mediating to free my mind.  I am starting to make this a routine and look forward to it every night.  A woman that I am dating even mentioned how she can train me to shut my mind down at night, as I realize that this is a source of my sleep problems. 

I firmly believe that this is such an important part of my life, as this is where I can calm my mind and allow the holy spirit guide me in the right path's in my life.  Life is faced with many small decisions each and everyday, but it is hard for us to see the impact of these small decisions.  Life is so short and fragile, that we need this introspective time to bring in a peace that no amount of money could ever bring.