It is amazing how people come into our life at certain times in our life and how we attend a church service and hear a specific talk that is what we needed to hear at the perfect time. Or maybe how we run into someone who we were just thinking about or how we get a job and that so many things had to happen at the perfect time for that to happen. Are these coincidences?? I don't think so..this is just God's way of remaining anonymous..in a virtual sense.
Now do things happen when we want or how we think they should?? Never...but that is the beauty of the journey of life that we are embarked on. We are given free will..aka choices...many times a day, which ultimately play a huge impact on our life. How we choose is in a direct relation to how in tune we are in our life with living in accordance to our destiny.
I grew up a good kid, never getting into trouble and being a hard worker. I had some great success in high school, college and into my professional life. However, I was never whole or happy, so I thought that if I made more money I would have more friends and my wife would love me more. Well, I never realized it then, but as soon as I got to a goal that I thought was the key to my happiness, I was off to yet another goal. You see I was trying to fill that lost void in my life with material items. This material slippery slope was a dangerous path that I embarked on, once I got down this slope, it got worse and worse and me getting off was not in sight. Now granted, I had a plan and thought that I had everything under control, but this was just my mind manipulation that I would tell myself to quell the feeling in my gut that was telling me that what I was doing was wrong..unethical.
What I was doing was incredibly selfish, as I was only looking out for what was important to me and how I thought I could get out of certain life situations. I ended up abusing and hurting the one person who has loved me and cared for me the most...my mother. How could I do such a thing? I thought had all the possible contingencies under control, but in the meantime I dis-respected her choice to not get involved in something that she was uncomfortable with. This set in motion a chain of events that would rock my world and everyone else who was a part of it.
Having gone through this ordeal and hitting rock bottom in my life while sitting in a prison cell so close..physically...to the worst city on earth (Juarez, Mexico)..I prayed for forgiveness and got into reading the bible daily and doing bible studies. Trying to understand myself better and find out why I made such decisions that had such damaging consequences, I knew the teachings in the bible would lead me in one way or another to peace.
If I am given forgiveness, how can I not forgive myself? However, living with the shame and guilt of past actions, not to mention all the judgment of others, it is hard for us humans to forgive ourselves. It is not about being insensitive to the hurt that we have done to others, but realizing that holding on to this will never help us grow deeper and stronger. This needs to be real, honest and sincere, otherwise it is only temporary.
After we do this, we need to forgive everyone who has ever hurt us or done us wrong...period. This is easy to say when called out by others or when we are trying to brag to others...but none of that matters in the end. Others don't care, in a way, if you are full of it and just saying it to look good. However, the real test is the peace that we truly feel from freeing ourselves from the right to get even or demanding of fairness. This is a true and honest FORGIVENESS...with no strings attached and no matter what they have done to us. As we all have done wrong one way or another and have asked for forgiveness from our actions, so how can we not give it away as well.
The real reason is that I get to be freed from the prison cell that I have been living in and they get to be freed as well...we can't hold the power. In doing this I get to live like Jesus and honor God, free from shame and guilt...thus living a Life Without Bar's!!!
Friday, December 5, 2014
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Rejection is just Redirection
I heard this today and it hot home on so many fronts. Many of us think of this in regards to relationships, which is true, rejection hurts more than we can sometimes understand or comprehend. However, if we think about this in every aspect of our life, we see how very true this phrase/meaning really is.
I caught myself looking back at many of my struggles in life. In ALL of them, I was given an opportunity to how I would react to each situation that I saw as a failure. I have spoken about goals and goal sickness before, when we have goals that do not develop as we had wanted or when we wanted, we get frustrated and try to find a way to push forward and get to that goal. I love goals and think that they are great, in so long that the goals in themselves are of good nature and for the right reasons.
Now our minds can rationalize and justify any means to an end, but that does not mean we are being completely honest with who really are. Knowing yourself well enough and having that confidence that you are a unique person who is different than everyone else that we try to live up to. We to often get caught up in "Living up the Jones" in this material world, I have been there and done that. Many of us think we would never do such a thing, but the reality is that it is way too easy to fall into that trap and we end up chasing the wrong goals and pursuits.
I look back onto some of the more notable failures in my life, I firmly believe that there were distinct signs along the way in which I had an opportunity to make better decisions that would have had more favorable consequences. It was like I was getting hit on the head by God saying "Hey John, stop this, don't be stupid" Granted, they started out as small steps in the wrong direction, but as I was lost and going down the wrong path, I was not able to see through the fog. Along this road, I had many opportunities to make U-Turns or make adjustments, but I was set on getting to where I thought I need to go.
However, reflecting back, I can more clearly see that every rejection/failure was a blessing in so many ways. Yes, it gave me an opportunity to learn and that is never a bad thing. If you are a person of great faith, you can see how the seemingly coincidental occurrence's are just God's way of remaining anonymous. Things today are exactly as they should be, even though they are not how we would have wanted or planned them to be. Each day/opportunity that is presented to us, we are faced with decisions that will make a huge impact on our lives. See, God gave us free will to make decisions as we feel are best. However, when we are so called "Lost" and not acting in line or accordance with his will, he allows us to face rejection so that we can feel and understand ourselves better. When we know ourselves better and have a deeper faith that everything will workout just as it should, we are operating in the flow of the universe. Follow your life with passion, we still need to do the work, but make sure to take time to meditate and see that all of the pain we feel with rejection, will propel is to an even better joy than we can imagine. Life is a journey, enjoy the ride and be thankful for everything that comes into your, as it can always be a million times worse.
I caught myself looking back at many of my struggles in life. In ALL of them, I was given an opportunity to how I would react to each situation that I saw as a failure. I have spoken about goals and goal sickness before, when we have goals that do not develop as we had wanted or when we wanted, we get frustrated and try to find a way to push forward and get to that goal. I love goals and think that they are great, in so long that the goals in themselves are of good nature and for the right reasons.
Now our minds can rationalize and justify any means to an end, but that does not mean we are being completely honest with who really are. Knowing yourself well enough and having that confidence that you are a unique person who is different than everyone else that we try to live up to. We to often get caught up in "Living up the Jones" in this material world, I have been there and done that. Many of us think we would never do such a thing, but the reality is that it is way too easy to fall into that trap and we end up chasing the wrong goals and pursuits.
I look back onto some of the more notable failures in my life, I firmly believe that there were distinct signs along the way in which I had an opportunity to make better decisions that would have had more favorable consequences. It was like I was getting hit on the head by God saying "Hey John, stop this, don't be stupid" Granted, they started out as small steps in the wrong direction, but as I was lost and going down the wrong path, I was not able to see through the fog. Along this road, I had many opportunities to make U-Turns or make adjustments, but I was set on getting to where I thought I need to go.
However, reflecting back, I can more clearly see that every rejection/failure was a blessing in so many ways. Yes, it gave me an opportunity to learn and that is never a bad thing. If you are a person of great faith, you can see how the seemingly coincidental occurrence's are just God's way of remaining anonymous. Things today are exactly as they should be, even though they are not how we would have wanted or planned them to be. Each day/opportunity that is presented to us, we are faced with decisions that will make a huge impact on our lives. See, God gave us free will to make decisions as we feel are best. However, when we are so called "Lost" and not acting in line or accordance with his will, he allows us to face rejection so that we can feel and understand ourselves better. When we know ourselves better and have a deeper faith that everything will workout just as it should, we are operating in the flow of the universe. Follow your life with passion, we still need to do the work, but make sure to take time to meditate and see that all of the pain we feel with rejection, will propel is to an even better joy than we can imagine. Life is a journey, enjoy the ride and be thankful for everything that comes into your, as it can always be a million times worse.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Honesty is the BEST Policy
Why is it that we all know that this is a true statement, but yet we find out each and every day that some people simply can't follow this. I have come across people who I think really didn't realize that they were lying, they got so accustomed to doing it. Not sure if it is their lack of self confidence or efforts to control all events in their life, but it is something I even see in my own thoughts.
Our minds are very powerful tools that can rationalize, justify and manipulate any situation period. We get put into situations where we get uncomfortable and feel like we need to manipulate and twist things in order to protect ourselves. I found myself there again today..on both sides of the pendulum.
Was at a great speaker meeting where I found myself getting called on to share my vision. This prompted additional questions where I was faced with a decision, with which I continued to be very open and honest about my past failings, which were very public and very shaming to me and my family. This was not easy, but in the end I felt much better and garnered the respect of the people there.
The second incident happened while I was back at work, where I had a situation come up where I felt that I need to change a date of a document to ensure that I got the desired result that was easy and what I wanted. I felt uncomfortable and my mind instantly started thinking about why it was ok to do this and how I could cover it up and would be ok. After sensing this going toward an all too familiar direction, I paused and stepped away from the office.
Looking back hours later, I know see with much more clarity that there is no need to worry about how things will turn out, I just need to be honest and deal with the situation as it is today. It may not turn out as I want in the end, but no matter what happens, I have and always will land on my feet and life will continue to be ok. This has to do with my increased faith in knowing I need to do everything that is based in honesty and kindness to myself and all others concerned. I will respect myself more and others will respect me more. Have you not had someone tell you what they really thought and they apologized for being honest. When after the initial sting wears off, you actually appreciate their honesty even more.
Our minds are very powerful tools that can rationalize, justify and manipulate any situation period. We get put into situations where we get uncomfortable and feel like we need to manipulate and twist things in order to protect ourselves. I found myself there again today..on both sides of the pendulum.
Was at a great speaker meeting where I found myself getting called on to share my vision. This prompted additional questions where I was faced with a decision, with which I continued to be very open and honest about my past failings, which were very public and very shaming to me and my family. This was not easy, but in the end I felt much better and garnered the respect of the people there.
The second incident happened while I was back at work, where I had a situation come up where I felt that I need to change a date of a document to ensure that I got the desired result that was easy and what I wanted. I felt uncomfortable and my mind instantly started thinking about why it was ok to do this and how I could cover it up and would be ok. After sensing this going toward an all too familiar direction, I paused and stepped away from the office.
Looking back hours later, I know see with much more clarity that there is no need to worry about how things will turn out, I just need to be honest and deal with the situation as it is today. It may not turn out as I want in the end, but no matter what happens, I have and always will land on my feet and life will continue to be ok. This has to do with my increased faith in knowing I need to do everything that is based in honesty and kindness to myself and all others concerned. I will respect myself more and others will respect me more. Have you not had someone tell you what they really thought and they apologized for being honest. When after the initial sting wears off, you actually appreciate their honesty even more.
Monday, November 10, 2014
"I CAN"
I was speaking with an older and wiser woman today about trying to figure out a way to resolve a financial agreement that has been lingering way too long. I made a comment that I hope that I will have more money on Friday. She quickly mentioned to me to stay positive and said that "I CAN" do anything that I want...no exception.
I have always considered me to be a positive person, but it is amazing how other people can pick up subtle ways that we are not really as we say we are. I really gravitate towards people who are positive in nature, no room for a negative Nancy in my life. However, I welcome it when others call me out and try to help me see things differently, especially when it is done in a loving and supportive way. I have been known to get defensive when I am feeling attacked unjustly, but that is a struggle that I am working on and it goes a lot to being a person who is happy and living a life of balance. Life a spoke in a wheel, when one spoke is out or broken, the whole wheel does not operate smoothly.
This also brings me to a saying that I like by an author that I am not sure who it is: "Weather you think you can...or you think you can't...you are RIGHT" It goes to a mindset and an ability to remain open-minded. I reflect back at the days that I was lost and chasing money to solve all of my problems, I shut people out of my life and tried to fix all problems in a BAD way, by doing illegal things and turning a blind eye to other illegal things I witness others doing. Since the ends where benefitting me monetarily and I thought that more money would solve all my problems, it shifted my moral compass and priorities to a point where I ruined every relationship in life to a point I was sitting in a Federal Prison with just my thoughts.
Which brings up another important message I got today as well. As I was at the gym, I realized I forgot my headphones to wear while I worked out. I was frantically looking in my gym bag and exasperated, when a guy commented..."Well, now it will just be you and your thoughts" This bothered me and was un-thinkable to me...why? Why was I so afraid of my thoughts while I worked out? Granted, I know I love my routines and this was a part of my routine, but the thought (no pun intended) of me being with my own thoughts was not pleasant.
This came into my mind throughout the day and I thought about why this was and how this impacted my life in a negative way in my past..in hopes to avoid making the same decisions. I really am trying to spend 15+ minutes every night with my daily devotionals and mediating to free my mind. I am starting to make this a routine and look forward to it every night. A woman that I am dating even mentioned how she can train me to shut my mind down at night, as I realize that this is a source of my sleep problems.
I firmly believe that this is such an important part of my life, as this is where I can calm my mind and allow the holy spirit guide me in the right path's in my life. Life is faced with many small decisions each and everyday, but it is hard for us to see the impact of these small decisions. Life is so short and fragile, that we need this introspective time to bring in a peace that no amount of money could ever bring.
I have always considered me to be a positive person, but it is amazing how other people can pick up subtle ways that we are not really as we say we are. I really gravitate towards people who are positive in nature, no room for a negative Nancy in my life. However, I welcome it when others call me out and try to help me see things differently, especially when it is done in a loving and supportive way. I have been known to get defensive when I am feeling attacked unjustly, but that is a struggle that I am working on and it goes a lot to being a person who is happy and living a life of balance. Life a spoke in a wheel, when one spoke is out or broken, the whole wheel does not operate smoothly.
This also brings me to a saying that I like by an author that I am not sure who it is: "Weather you think you can...or you think you can't...you are RIGHT" It goes to a mindset and an ability to remain open-minded. I reflect back at the days that I was lost and chasing money to solve all of my problems, I shut people out of my life and tried to fix all problems in a BAD way, by doing illegal things and turning a blind eye to other illegal things I witness others doing. Since the ends where benefitting me monetarily and I thought that more money would solve all my problems, it shifted my moral compass and priorities to a point where I ruined every relationship in life to a point I was sitting in a Federal Prison with just my thoughts.
Which brings up another important message I got today as well. As I was at the gym, I realized I forgot my headphones to wear while I worked out. I was frantically looking in my gym bag and exasperated, when a guy commented..."Well, now it will just be you and your thoughts" This bothered me and was un-thinkable to me...why? Why was I so afraid of my thoughts while I worked out? Granted, I know I love my routines and this was a part of my routine, but the thought (no pun intended) of me being with my own thoughts was not pleasant.
This came into my mind throughout the day and I thought about why this was and how this impacted my life in a negative way in my past..in hopes to avoid making the same decisions. I really am trying to spend 15+ minutes every night with my daily devotionals and mediating to free my mind. I am starting to make this a routine and look forward to it every night. A woman that I am dating even mentioned how she can train me to shut my mind down at night, as I realize that this is a source of my sleep problems.
I firmly believe that this is such an important part of my life, as this is where I can calm my mind and allow the holy spirit guide me in the right path's in my life. Life is faced with many small decisions each and everyday, but it is hard for us to see the impact of these small decisions. Life is so short and fragile, that we need this introspective time to bring in a peace that no amount of money could ever bring.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Positive Mind Thoughts
I am sure most of us have heard of the secret, both the book and the movie. It is one thing to know that we need to control our mind with positive thoughts, but a far different story to actually do it. Let me explains further.
It is easy for me to give good sound advice (or so I think it is), but yet it is hard for me to follow my own advice when things become personal to us. This is why it is so crucial for us to control our own thoughts and emotions, so we don't panic and make bad decisions . PATIENCE is a word that jumps out at me...my weakest link.
We all like to hear good comeback stories, weather it be in sports or in life. As human beings, we want to see people succeed through struggles..yet we don't want to struggle to succeed. It is hard for us to see through the forest when we are struggling, not realizing that it is making us stronger. Some key moments in my life were when I was in prison, feeling all unhappy and sorry for myself, when it clicked with me that there are millions of people who would give anything to switch places with me. So who am I to complain about anything. Health is the ultimate wealth.
It is easy to be grateful when all is going well, but who can be thankful for the hard times during the hard times? This is a true sign of freedom and maturity. We all struggle with issues in one form or another in life, some are just a little more public than others.
One way to help overcome this trap is to talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself. Feed your mind positive thoughts throughout the day, so that when a challenge hits you, you will have the balance and sate of mind to take on this struggle. Smile and laugh more...enjoy the journey we call life..we only get one.
It is easy for me to give good sound advice (or so I think it is), but yet it is hard for me to follow my own advice when things become personal to us. This is why it is so crucial for us to control our own thoughts and emotions, so we don't panic and make bad decisions . PATIENCE is a word that jumps out at me...my weakest link.
We all like to hear good comeback stories, weather it be in sports or in life. As human beings, we want to see people succeed through struggles..yet we don't want to struggle to succeed. It is hard for us to see through the forest when we are struggling, not realizing that it is making us stronger. Some key moments in my life were when I was in prison, feeling all unhappy and sorry for myself, when it clicked with me that there are millions of people who would give anything to switch places with me. So who am I to complain about anything. Health is the ultimate wealth.
It is easy to be grateful when all is going well, but who can be thankful for the hard times during the hard times? This is a true sign of freedom and maturity. We all struggle with issues in one form or another in life, some are just a little more public than others.
One way to help overcome this trap is to talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself. Feed your mind positive thoughts throughout the day, so that when a challenge hits you, you will have the balance and sate of mind to take on this struggle. Smile and laugh more...enjoy the journey we call life..we only get one.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Goals?
I was recently speaking at an ethics conference when I heard them talk about goals? I was taught to have goals all my life, that they were a good thing and a necessary part of success in one's life. Why then were they talking about "Goal Sickness" in an ethics workshop? The reason that they were talking about in such depth, is that I soon realized that I had that same goal sickness called - Teleopathy (sp?)
The simple explanation as I understand it to be, is when one person does whatever it takes to reach a specific goal, to the point where it is not healthy any further. Which also relates to the need to have balance in one's life, this is a whole other topic in itself.
I firmly believe that goals are a necessary part of making sure I am headed in a direction I want to go in life and helping me visualize how I want my life to be. The key important part of this equation is that my goals need to be realistic and not completely selfish towards what I want Like a common analogy used with goals is: You wouldn't just start off on a road trip without knowing where and how you were going to get there??? It would take you much longer and cause much more problems than you really need.
I remember how I used to type out my goals and put them on my bathroom mirror, reading them every time I wake and brush my teeth and when I brush my teeth when I go to sleep. It is a perfect time to remind me of where I am going and what I need to do to accomplish my desired life. Using a "Vision Board" is another excellent tool to help see the exact image in your mind of how you see your goal coming to reality.
However, I in no way want someone to not shoot for the stars in their goals, just make sure that you are operating in an ethical and moral way to others when working towards these goals. All I need to do is START....taking action is the root of everything.
The simple explanation as I understand it to be, is when one person does whatever it takes to reach a specific goal, to the point where it is not healthy any further. Which also relates to the need to have balance in one's life, this is a whole other topic in itself.
I firmly believe that goals are a necessary part of making sure I am headed in a direction I want to go in life and helping me visualize how I want my life to be. The key important part of this equation is that my goals need to be realistic and not completely selfish towards what I want Like a common analogy used with goals is: You wouldn't just start off on a road trip without knowing where and how you were going to get there??? It would take you much longer and cause much more problems than you really need.
I remember how I used to type out my goals and put them on my bathroom mirror, reading them every time I wake and brush my teeth and when I brush my teeth when I go to sleep. It is a perfect time to remind me of where I am going and what I need to do to accomplish my desired life. Using a "Vision Board" is another excellent tool to help see the exact image in your mind of how you see your goal coming to reality.
However, I in no way want someone to not shoot for the stars in their goals, just make sure that you are operating in an ethical and moral way to others when working towards these goals. All I need to do is START....taking action is the root of everything.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Life's Daily Battles
A good friend of mine reminded me today about how far I have come over the last 6 years since we met. I quickly reminded her that we have all endured struggles, it is just that mine was more public and drastic than most. After a short discussion, it reminded me that we are all faced with difficult circumstances and decisions everyday, regardless of where we are at in life...Hence the meaning of Life Without Bar's bears even greater meaning and semblance.
There are times when we want to burry our head in the sand and ignore somewhat minor or major problems, this all depends on our attitude that we give this particular problem. I have learned that the reality of it is, that every little decision culminates into a major outcome in our life. We may not always see it that way at the time, but looking back in an honest and thorough perspective, we can see our role or our responsibility in every outcome. Understanding this and being aware of this is crucial in our life. It has a fundamental meaning to our life, weather it be a relationship or how we approach the values and ethics that we live our life by.
No matter what...each and every day will present a situation that we will have to deal with and decide how to handle. We may feel more or less pressure based on the attitude we are in that day or how we feel our life is at that particular moment. It is ironic how even though we may know better, there are times when we just feel in a rut and can't shake out of this horrible mindset or as some would say "stinking thinking"
I believe this is when it is even more important to take quiet time out to meditate and reflect, to allow our brains to stop thinking and just be. In this crazy technology rat race that we live in, we have become addicted to wanting more information and faster responses to everything. Slowing down and taking the sensitivity to the situation being personal goes a long way in being able to view the situation/problem objectively.
This being said, I think that it is also crucial to have some friends or people that you can openly share your thoughts and feelings about this and other issues affecting you. The release that it gives you is priceless and we all know that "stuffing" it will only lead to a future issue that is much greater. Plus, this person of trust and respect may give you one phrase or thought that will lead you into a direction that you had not thought of previously...which could change your life forever.
There are times when we want to burry our head in the sand and ignore somewhat minor or major problems, this all depends on our attitude that we give this particular problem. I have learned that the reality of it is, that every little decision culminates into a major outcome in our life. We may not always see it that way at the time, but looking back in an honest and thorough perspective, we can see our role or our responsibility in every outcome. Understanding this and being aware of this is crucial in our life. It has a fundamental meaning to our life, weather it be a relationship or how we approach the values and ethics that we live our life by.
No matter what...each and every day will present a situation that we will have to deal with and decide how to handle. We may feel more or less pressure based on the attitude we are in that day or how we feel our life is at that particular moment. It is ironic how even though we may know better, there are times when we just feel in a rut and can't shake out of this horrible mindset or as some would say "stinking thinking"
I believe this is when it is even more important to take quiet time out to meditate and reflect, to allow our brains to stop thinking and just be. In this crazy technology rat race that we live in, we have become addicted to wanting more information and faster responses to everything. Slowing down and taking the sensitivity to the situation being personal goes a long way in being able to view the situation/problem objectively.
This being said, I think that it is also crucial to have some friends or people that you can openly share your thoughts and feelings about this and other issues affecting you. The release that it gives you is priceless and we all know that "stuffing" it will only lead to a future issue that is much greater. Plus, this person of trust and respect may give you one phrase or thought that will lead you into a direction that you had not thought of previously...which could change your life forever.
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